Ponderings

So the last time I saw Dirk was New Year's Eve, 1996. Two days ago, when that reality dawned on me and I did the math to come up with 15 years (!), I decided to go by his grave for a quick visit. I wasn't there long, just enough to drop off some cheesy plastic flowers, see if the marker needed any tending (it didn't; plenty of us come by pretty often) and say hello. This is the third time I've been, the first with Jesse, the others without. I find a lot of peace there and really spent some time thinking of why that is. I mean, I'm an atheist, it's not like I think Dirk is hanging out around there or perched in a tree or whatever. I wish I did. A part of me envies the comfort provided to those who believe in an afterlife -- the conviction that he is somewhere, watching over all of us, that we'll get a chance to see him again one day, all that stuff. 'Cause, yeah, I don't buy into that. Dirk's dead and gone and decomposing and that's all there is; he is living on through us and our memories and our love and that's it.

Or is it? Science has taught us that matter cannot be destroyed. So somewhere, way down in that grave, atoms of Dirk are still around. They move, as atoms are wont to do, and it only seems logical that they gradually make their way to the surface, the grass, the air. So by being there, running my hands over the marker, placing a kiss on his name, and simply breathing, it is entirely possible that atoms that were once a part of him are now a part of me. Maybe that is why I find my comfort there, at his final resting place. Because it is there that I can literally be close to the parts of him that physically linger, and maybe absorb a few atoms here an there to take with me. Who is to say that one little particle of his heart hasn't made it's way into mine?

2011 books with commentary

*2011 Books*

An idea stolen from my good friend, Lisa, here is what I read in 2012, in chronological order, with a bit of commentary. ( Read more... )